Acceptance

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and thought something negative about your body? For me it was this morning and then again this afternoon. Ok I’ll be honest, it’s probably every time I look in the mirror. I believe that the natural man inside of us along with society tells us that we need to look a certain way, or that our body needs to work a certain way. For me this is 100% true. I believe that my body needs to be a certain way, which is totally wrong.

The August 2019 Ensign is all about loving our bodies. This particular topic has been on my mind a lot since a former Relief Society President talked about loving our bodies and encouraged us to read the August Ensign. Believe it or not but I’ve always had a hard time accepting and loving my body.  Due to all the medical problems that I deal with on a daily basis, I have a tendency to look at my body negatively, which isn’t a good thing.

I would describe my body as “broken,” mainly because so many of the different systems in my body don’t always work correctly due to disease and other damage. It hasn’t been easy for me to accept everything that my body deals with, which is probably one of the reasons I have low self-esteem. Instead of accepting myself and all my “broken” parts, I worry about what other people may think of me when they see me, which deep down I know that is not what is happening.

Just looking at me most people wouldn’t know that I have heart problems which can make me pretty tired pretty quick. They wouldn’t know that my vascular system has had multiple vessels shut down and that more vessels can shut down at any time. They also wouldn’t know that I have a lot of neurological damage due to stroke and having a tethered spinal cord multiple times throughout my life. Not only has this neurological damage affected my walking, balance, and the position of my feet, but it has also affected my digestive system. Along with not knowing that these particular systems are affected most people wouldn’t know just by looking at me that I also struggle with major anxiety and depression.

Like I said earlier, I have a hard time accepting my body and all of the many problems that it has. I am still constantly learning how to manage all of these different problems and am trying my hardest to just accept who I am. It’s seriously a work in progress! There are a couple of things that I still have a really hard time with, and they might always be a struggle to accept. For one, my balance is something that I keep hoping will get better, and while it has to an extent it will never be what it was before my stroke and latest tethered spinal cord. I can no longer just stand still. As hard as I try I just end up walking back and forth trying my hardest not to fall over, and that’s normally when my husband steps in (if he’s around) and grabs onto me to steady me. I hate that I can’t steady myself and feel so self-conscious when I have to grab onto someone just so I can stand still. Second, my digestive system was damaged four years ago by my tethered spinal cord. I ended up loosing a lot of weight due to this damage and I can’t really gain it back. Over the years many people have commented on my weight and how skinny I am and how I need to gain some weight. What they don’t understand (because I haven’t told them because it’s uncomfortable to talk about) is that due to the neurological damage, I have to be extremely careful with what and how much I eat.  I can no longer eat the things that I really like because they make me really sick. I also can’t eat a lot of food because it also makes me really sick. I have learned that I have to exercise every day, or I get sick because of this damage. It has been extremely frustrating dealing with this challenge and sometimes I just go ahead and eat what I want and how much I want but then I always pay the price.

In the August 2019 New Era, President Russel M. Nelson said, “…the gift of our physical bodies is a transcendent miracle. A unique body is given to each of us by our loving Heavenly Father. He created it as a tabernacle for our spirits, to assist each of us in our quest to fulfill the full measure of our creation. Our bodies allow each of us to experience the great plan of salvation that He has designed for all His precious children.

…The marvel of our physical bodies is often overlooked or underappreciated. Who has not encountered feelings of low self-esteem because of physique or appearance? Many people wish their bodies could be more to their liking.

…Ponder the magnificence of what you see when you look in the mirror. Ignore the freckles, the unruly hair, or the blemishes, and look beyond to see the real you-a child of God, created by Him in His image.  When you sing “I Am a Child of God,” think of His gift to you of your own physical body.  The many amazing attributes of your body attest to your own “divine nature.””

When I read this message from President Nelson it really hit home to me. I don’t often stop and thank my Heavenly Father for MY unique body. When I really stop to think about how amazing MY body is, I am amazed and truly see it as a miracle.  While my body may have many “broken” parts, it still works. Through modern medicine a lot of my “broken” parts have been fixed and can continue to be fixed. For the other parts that can’t be fixed I have found ways to cope and make them work the best they can.

Our bodies truly are miracles and precious gifts from a loving Heavenly Father. I know that He wants each of His children to accept themselves and look beyond the mirror and see who they really are, His children. He loves each of us for who we are and that will never change. This is something I am constantly reminding myself of.

Even though I struggle with my self-image and wish so many parts of my “broken” body could be fixed right now, I know that I am a child of God. I know that I was created in His image and that the body I was given is a gift.