Everyone on this earth has a unique journey they must go
through. At times the journey may be
easy and other times it might be more than you think you can possibly
endure. You may cry out in anger about
why you must go through a particular trial, and I think that that is perfectly
natural because we cannot see what God can.
I believe that when we’re stuck in the middle of a trial, it’s harder
for us to see the blessings that are all around us. But if we open our eyes
long enough, we might just be able to see some of the blessings that are ours
that are given to us by a loving and wise Father in Heaven who loves us more
than we can comprehend.
Over the last few months I have tried to stop and take a
step back to see all the blessings that are around me as I have been going
through another very difficult trial.
Since being back on crutches (three months now) I have had to encounter
some difficult things and make decisions I never dreamed I would have to
make. As I was experiencing these things,
I didn’t take the time to see the blessings that were coming to me, instead I tended
to look at the negative and wonder why these things were happening to me. It took me a couple of months to realize the
blessings that were all around me. The blessings
that I received helped me once again know for a fact that Heavenly Father is
always there for me and loves me and will bless me with the things that I need
to make it through the hard times.
After finding out that my Talas had fractured in my foot, my
orthopedic surgeon wanted me to start taking a medicine called Forteo. Forteo helps your body produce more
osteoblasts to grow more bone and is mainly used to treat osteoporosis in men
and women who are at risk for fracture.
I’ve lost bone density so the hope was that by taking Forteo, new bone
would grow in my foot and my foot would become stronger. In theory this medicine sounded like a good
option, at least that is until we started doing research on it. Foreto has a lot of things going against it
which made me think twice about taking it.
For one, it’s a daily injection that has some not so great side
effects. It can cause nerve pain,
heartburn, back spasms, and bone cancer (all things I didn’t want to have to
deal with). Two, there is no way to
target bone growth in a specific area.
The new bone can grow anywhere in the body, but it mainly grows in the
spine. Three, if insurance won’t cover
the cost it’s about $1,500 a month and you can’t take it for more than a total
of two years during your entire life. All
these things combined made me very leery of this medicine and I decided that I
really didn’t want it. As I prayed about
it, I got an uneasy feeling and each time the name Forteo was brought up it
just didn’t feel right. As I think about
it now, I know that Heavenly Father was guiding me on what I should do when it
came to getting the bone density in my foot back. Medicine has come a long way, but this medication
was not for me and it was not the answer to getting my bone density back.
So where were the blessings? I believe one of the biggest
blessings from this experience was that because there is so much medical
knowledge available, I was able to be prepared to discuss my options with the
Sports Medicine doctor who prescribes Forteo to those who need it. As we talked during our consultation, I had a
strong feeling that I was not supposed to take Forteo. I had my answer that no matter what I
wouldn’t take this medication, but I still agreed to go through the process to
see if my insurance would even cover it.
When my insurance company came back saying they wouldn’t cover the cost
because I didn’t meet the general requirements, I was so relieved and again
felt another confirmation that I wasn’t supposed to take this medication. I don’t know what would have happened in the
long term if I had started taking Forteo, but I have to believe that it
wouldn’t have been good.
Soon after I got engaged, I met with a high-risk OB/GYN to
discuss my options about having kids.
Growing up with heart problems I was always told by my cardiologist that
when I had kids, I would be considered high risk, but my problems wouldn’t stop
me from having kids. In 2011, I had to
have my aortic valve replaced and my surgeon asked me if I was planning on
having kids. When I told him yes, he
agreed to put in a tissue valve instead of a mechanical one so that having kids
would be possible. Fast-forward seven
years and I found myself sitting in a consultation room, being told by the high-risk
OB that given my complex medical history I couldn’t have kids because the
danger was too high. When I had my valve
replaced back in 2011, I had yet to have a stroke, vascular problems, an
undiagnosed genetic disorder, and a history of bleeding. Because of everything that has come about in
the last few years I am now at an even higher risk than if I was just dealing
with my heart problems (which are complex in and of themselves). The doctor
told me that if I were to get pregnant the chances of me either becoming
permanently disabled or not even making it through the pregnancy were extremely
high. He also told me that if I ended up
getting pregnant, I would have to abort the baby because of the danger it would
bring to me. We discussed some of the
very few options I had, and he told me that he would be talking with my
cardiologist, vascular surgeon, neurologist, and two other highly recognized
doctors at a convention he was talking at the following week, to get their take
on me having kids. Even though I knew
deep down that I needed to adopt (and have known for years) I still left that
appointment discouraged and feeling like my limited options were going to make
me seem like a bad person and that I was letting my fiancé, future family, and
Heavenly Father down.
The blessings from this experience took a while for me to
recognize and to be honest I’m still in the process of recognizing them. I feel like one of the biggest blessings that
I have received from this experience is the support and love I have felt from
my fiancé, family, and especially my Heavenly Father. Another blessing came soon after my OB got
back to me after talking with all these doctors. He told me that they all agreed that I
shouldn’t have kids because my risk was too high. I was once again given my options and told that
he would be there to help me no matter what option I chose. As I talked with my
mom, she gave me some counsel that she was given when her doctors told her not
to have any more kids (this was after my older brother was born). She told me to fast and pray about it. My
fiancé and I were going to be going to the temple the next day, so I decided to
start fasting about the decision I had come up with and take it to the temple. As
my fiancé and I drove to the temple we discussed our options and as I was in
the temple, I received my answer. A
blessing I recognized quickly was that my fiancé and I could start making hard
decisions together as long as we both included the Lord in our counsel. I know that this will be a continued blessing
throughout our marriage.
Knowing that I physically can’t have kids has been hard on me,
but I have received countless confirmations that I am supposed to have my
family through adoption. These confirmations I have received have truly been a
blessing to me. They have reaffirmed
that Heavenly Father has a plan for my life, and He is unfolding it to me piece
by piece.
When we have to pass through a difficult trial it can be
hard to recognize the blessings that are being poured out to us. We may sometimes feel like Heavenly Father
doesn’t care about us. We may even feel
abandoned and completely alone, but I know that we are never alone. We have a loving Heavenly Father who is so
aware of us and what we are going through.
Not only do we have a loving Heavenly Father, but we also have our
Savior, Jesus Christ, who knows exactly what each one of us are going through
and what we are feeling. He has taken
upon himself our pains and afflictions so that He can succor us. If we will let Him, He will lift us up and
give us the strength so that we can make it through any trial that comes our
way.
There are blessings all around us and while they may be
difficult to see, if we will take a step back and open our eyes, we will be
able to see just how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father.
